Yesterday was not the best of days.
I was stuck in my head, attempting to fight my (piddly! greedy!) frustrations with the truths that I have it really good and I should just be grateful already. Usually I am grateful, humbled by the blessings God has given me and our family. But yesterday I couldn’t shake the stupidness in my head.
As I finished up a load of laundry I looked around the bare walls of our bedroom and got unduly frustrated that I couldn’t make a decision already on what kind of art to buy from Society6. Choices overwhelm me.
I decided: This is the day! Let’s do this thing! So I marched myself upstairs and grabbed my laptop, armed and ready to sit on my front porch in the beautiful weather and buy a piece of art that is fine and good, even if it’s not perfect. And the laptop’s battery icon showed the charge was critically low.
So I looked in the entertainment center drawer for the charger. No charger. So I looked in all the drawers. No charger.
Daphne came in the living room and asked what I was doing, When I told her she brightly offered, “I will find it for you, Mommy!” As I got annoyed that she looked in all the same drawers I’d just looked thru, I realized: Girl, you’ve got a problem.
I attacked this problem as well; I texted Shannon and told him I was taking a night to run errands alone, because my crankiness was at a dangerous level. When your daughter sweetly offering to help causes you irritation, it is best you keep yourself from the people you love.
After Shannon picked up the kids from me in Wichita later that afternoon, after I completed my tasks with lightning speed, I thought, “I should get a glass of wine!” But then I wondered how a solo woman grabs a glass of wine without putting out the vibe she wants to be hit on? So then I thought, “Cocoa Dolce has wine! And surely no one looks at a chocolate store as a place to pick up the ladies.” And then I realized I was thinking about wine too much and freaked myself out. So I gave up on the wine and headed to No Mercy for their cherry crisp, sat myself at a far off table where I wouldn’t be able to gripe at anyone, and ate dessert for dinner.
It wasn’t the perfect solution to my piddly and greedy frustrations, but it helped. Time alone, with sugar and gluten, in the sunshine… It helped.
Then I came home to the sun setting on my kids and their lemonade stand. You can’t find anything more adorable.
Today I’m better. Today the frustrations are more under control. Lots of prayer, lots of knowing my limits. And sunshine + cherry crisp helps.