women hating on women:
–>“The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.” -Ashley Judd at The Daily Beast (h/t Angela on her Facebook wall)
men hating on women:
–>“Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?
“Well, you have to keep in mind that what we learn as kids is really hard to deprogram as an adult. And what we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman.
“We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock, Shia LaBeouf gets Megan Fox in Transformers, Iron Man gets Pepper Potts, the hero in Avatar gets the hottest Na’vi, Shrek gets Fiona, Bill Murray gets Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, Frodo gets Sam, WALL-E gets EVE … and so on.” -5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women on Cracked (and heads up: foul language contained therein)
teenage boys hating on teenage girls:
–>“I want these guys to know that they’re able to be so cavalier because they don’t hear unsolicited opinions on their bodies and alleged sex lives all the time. Because the changes they noticed in the mirror a year or two ago were not interpreted as permission by strangers to offer an opinion on their bodies. Because they don’t put up with the kind of language the list used on the regular, and didn’t have to see it manifested as some kind of official document or rulebook, shared and spread and broadcast for students and teachers and parents to see. I want these guys to know that of course it would be easy for you to get over, because your transition into puberty didn’t include the same kinds of ridiculous beauty expectations, and then unsolicited evaluations of how well you measured up.” -First Encounters With the Male Gaze on Rookie (h/t Hayley)
the media hating on women:
–>“It’s bad enough that most models are part of a gene pool and age group that encompasses a very small percentage of the population. But now, they are photographing these folks and manipulating their skin, the lighting, their weight, and proportions to make them into an alien life form that exists only in a computer.” -Photoshopping Our Souls Away on Darling
And then here’s how we women need to change our mindsets:
–>“In the end if all one accomplishes as a woman is being really sexy, forgetting to be kind, compassionate, authentic, and brilliant, then she misses out on being all that she can be. She misses out on making this world a better place. My friends, you were made to shine, to pour the light of your beautiful and authentic self out on this world. Believe in that, and move forward into your own beauty and complexity as a human being.” -Jen Shewmaker (h/t Hayley. Again. She is my sister, but even if I weren’t related to her, I’d still say she posts awesome stuff.)
–>“In her book The Good Body, Eve Ensler describes a time when she was traveling in Africa and asked a native woman named Leah if she liked her body. The woman responded confidently, ‘Do I like my body? Do I like my body? I love my body. God made this body. God gave me this body. My fingers, look at my fingers. I love my fingernails, little crescent moons. They lead right up to my arms–so strong–they carry things along. And my legs, my legs are long.’
“Immediately after hearing this, Eve began to complain about her own body only to be cut off by Leah: ‘Eve, look at that tree. Do you see that tree? Now look at that tree. (Points to another tree) Do you like that tree? Do you hate that tree ‘cause it doesn’t look like that tree? Do you say that tree isn’t pretty ‘cause it doesn’t look like that tree? You’re a tree. I’m a tree. You’ve got to love your body, Eve. You’ve got to love your tree. Love your tree.’ ” -Healthy Girl Talk: Redefining Beauty on Darling
My friends don’t seem to worry about this. I don’t see them sizing up their contemporaries and mentally tearing them down. In a life of missteps, I chose my husband well and I chose my friends well.
But the constant sizing-up and comparing myself to others is a battle I’ve waged within for a long time. I would say the war is waning, but it’s still there. And now that one of my precious daughters is in school and wants hair like K’s or a backpack like W’s, I am even more vigilant than I was in her toddler years to watch my words and watch the thoughts in my brain so that they don’t come tumbling out of my mouth.
In that last link, the author suggests we compliment our friends, not on their hair or other physical appearance, but on what makes them BEAUTIFUL: their compassion, wit, love, etc. I think it would be a good idea to take up Heidi’s challenge and send a handwritten to those I love a note just to tell them what I love about them. It would be good to spread happiness around.
