When I worked as a hairstylist in Tulsa one of my coworkers had a client with the darkest stinking eyebrows.  Which wasn’t bad, per se, until you saw the baby blonde hair on top of her head.  And not only were these eyebrows of hers BLACK, but they were HUGE. Like, untweezed, thick ol’ caterpillar eyebrows.  My coworker is an amazing hairstylist, puts gorgeous color on her clients’ heads with beautiful haircuts, and it pained her that that client would not listen to reason.

“Why don’t we add some subtle darker pieces with the blonde?” she’d ask.

Noooo.  This was the time of Jessica Simpson and Reese Witherspoon.  Her client wanted no brown in that mane.

“Why don’t we have Kate thin out and shape your eyebrows today?”

Noooo.  “People love my eyebrows!”  She had good reason to believe so, because PEOPLE ALWAYS TOLD HER THAT.  And I’ll tell you why.  When the first thing you see on a person’s face from 20 feet away is their eyebrows, you’re going to accidentally stare while you figure out what is going on.  And then when that person catches you staring at their eyebrows all you can sputter out is, “Your eyebrows are so pretty!”

Which is a total lie, but what are you going to do?

A few months ago I decided, after many months of agonizing over the decision, that I would no longer be a redhead.  I LOVED MY RED HAIR.

Red hair, all pretty and shiny.

But I had to maintain it (read: color it) every four weeks, and while after I colored it it looked amazing, after a couple weeks it was faded and dry looking.  And sometimes if I waited too long in between coloring it the highlights I gave myself would be too faded and would then grab that red color and make it look purple.  So I’d spend all day coloring my hair–in between feeding children breakfast and getting them off to school, laying a baby down for a nap, picking up children from school, feeding myself lunch–with sometimes a not great turnout.  And I was uncomfortable letting anyone else color my hair red.  There’s a lot of room for error.

After four years, I started seeing a hairstylist regularly so that she could transition my hair to blonde.  It’s easier to maintain, doesn’t fade out, and harder to mess up.

Right before I was in the commercial I had her bleach it out.  And then I freaked.  Because as I looked in the mirror all I could see was Ashlee’s client from Tulsa: black eyebrows and blonde hair.  I ran over to Amanda’s house (she used to be a hairstylist, too) and she thought my hair/eyebrow combo was fine.  Then I pestered my sister over and over the next day as we shopped and she thought they were fine, too.  Eventually I believed them and let it go.

Each time I’ve gone back to the salon I’ve had her put in more blonde.  Then each time I come home I stand in front of the mirror off and on for two days and worry my hair is too blonde for my eyebrows, then eventually I let it go.

Tuesday I went to the salon and I am BLONDE.  No natural pieces, all veeery light blonde.  And my eyebrows.  Yikes.  So Tuesday night I lightened them with haircolor.

This less-maintenance plan is not working.  So I’m a blondey-blonde now but won’t be for long.  My eyebrows won’t be able to take it.