the strangest thing

This afternoon Little Missy, Baby Chickadee and I went to the Barnes and Noble on east Kellogg to buy Hubby a birthday gift.  Yesterday I called to make sure this certain item was in the store before I dragged the kiddoes there and today we drove to pick it up.  But it wasn’t there, or rather it was, but in the wrong color, so Little Missy and I read a book in the kids’ section while Baby Chickadee laughed in her stroller and then I bought a new kids’ devotional before leaving.

While standing in line a girl walked in front of me and then stood behind me with a Bible in plastic wrapping that was torn.  And I thought Hey! I’ve been looking for a new Bible, too!  But then I thought that I should buy that Bible for her.  No reason to think that other than a prompt from the Holy Spirit.  But I stood quietly and waited my turn at the register without saying anything to the girl.

Then at the register the cashier asked me a ZILLION questions, all of which I could not answer because I was thinking about how I was also supposed to be buying the Bible for the girl behind me but I couldn’t because I do not want to be a weirdo.  And a weirdo I would be.  First approaching a stranger and asking to buy something for her while blubbering it out.  Because I would cry while doing it.  I cry at everything and I would most certainly cry if I’m being used by Jesus.

So I purchased my products and headed to the door.  Little Missy had been waiting for me at the Valentine’s display table and called me over to look at her books.  But I barely looked at them because I was watching the girl behind me as she walked away from the register after talking to the cashier, walked past me and toward the cafe.  So now if I was going to follow the Holy Spirit’s prompting I was going to have to track her down in the store and look like even more of a weirdo.  But then she came back up to the register and stood to the side filling out some paperwork.

As I deliberated I kept thinking about a saying or a verse that God will only trust you with the big things after He’s been able to trust you with the small things.  And I want to be used by Him in ALL things, big or small.  This was a small thing and I had to get moving.

My stomach was full of thunder and rumbles, as if the Holy Spirit that normally lives in every fiber of my body rolled Himself into one spot to say MOVE!  And move I did.  Because it all came down to this: If I was wrong, if the Holy Spirit weren’t pushing me to buy the Bible for that girl, so then what?  I’ve bought a Bible for a complete stranger.  And there is certainly no harm in that.

I pushed the stroller over to her and said, “Can I ask you a really strange question?”  She looked at me with a sweet look on her face and nodded.  “Are you buying that Bible?”  Her head nodded.  “Can I buy it for you?”  And then the blubber started coming up.  As she surprisedly asked “You would do that for me?” I waved my arms and tried not to cry and said, “I just feel like it’s something I’m supposed to do.”

I told the cashier I was buying the Bible behind the counter for the girl next to me.  For a minute the worker didn’t know what was going on and then asked, “The shipping, too?”  Surprised, I nodded.  “It’s only $3.99.”  So I pulled out my credit card (I was so flustered I knew I’d never be able to hand thin bills to the woman) and paid for the girl’s Bible.  As I handed over my card the girl said to the cashier, “My mama just got locked up so I’m sending this to her.”

Thank you, Jesus, that I got to be a part of this.  I am so tired of worrying about my house and my clothes and MY MY MY and I want to focus on other people, because focusing on myself is getting really boring.  There are so many hurting people in this world and I want to be used by Jesus to reach them.

Jesus could have come down Himself and bought the Bible for that girl.  He could have popped a Bible into her car so she never had to enter the store.  But He wants us to be in community and He pushed me to be His hands today.

After the transaction was finished I hugged her and said, “I’m praying for you and your mama.”  Then I left before I blubbered anymore.  Maybe next time I’ll be more eloquent like Jesus would have been.  But then again maybe not.  Maybe every time I’m used by Him I’ll get all weepy and portray myself as a big ball of crazy.  But if it’s for Him then crazy I’ll be.